Disgruntled Cafeteria Worker Caught in Vegan Food Forgery

Ithaca, NY – Recent police investigations have revealed the presence of meat extract in several of the campus’s allegedly vegan dishes.  While initial research suggested the extract was a result of confusion in the kitchen, an anonymous tipster has come forth with new information detailing the massive coup staged by one unhappy cafeteria staff member.  According to the new information, more than 20 middle-aged cafeteria staff members were involved in this violation of principle for the more than seventeen vegans on 

According to the report, the disgruntled worker was motivated by a particularly rude student’s passing remark of her being a “basic bitch.”  The worker then assembled a task force of equally unhappy workers, and together they began to add small amounts of chicken extract to many of the vegan dishes served.  An unnamed member of the task force remarked “It was something to do, and it gave me great satisfaction to know that somewhere, a vegan was, in fact, consuming a small amount of meat

It is unknown whether the university will be pursuing action against the staff members involved at this point.  According to one of the lawyers involved in considering the matter, the lawsuit “is it risk of being thrown out immediately due to the difficulty involved in creating a respectable name for the suit.”