Make hand sanitizer your new religion. Have at least three bottles of Purell on hand at all times and get a spray bottle attachment so you can give yourself a…

The Food and Drug Administration defines “ham” as “the cured leg of pork.” Now, under this punishingly strict and arbitrary definition, the circular meat product that goes excellently with egg…

Court-Kay-Bauer: Freshman Bobby McBobberson, ’21, (it’s always the freshmen, innit) has been found guilty of drink-eating his two goldfish, Dr. Pepper and Barnacle, a lovely couple who had only just…