To whom it may concern,
It is with great pleasure that we invite you to our world premiere of the most* esteemed** international*** comedy magazine, The Cornell Lunatic, now unveiling their latest biannual issue.
With a host of laughter, banquets, and having to hold your hair back to throw up into the urinal after a bottle (or two (or three)) of booze because all the stalls were occupied and it was at least better than the floor, what’s not to love?
We hope to see you there! Well, we don’t, actually, we don’t even have the faintest idea what your face looks like. We’re using the Corporate ‘We’ right now to make it seem like all of us at the Eboard wrote this post collectively, when we all know that’s not the case.
I digress. Do read this issue at your own luxury; just try not to get any grease stains on it, you filthy animal.