Day Trading: A Space Opera

By the Ghost of Adam Smith

Disclaimer: I have no clue what day trading actually is, but it sounds illegal so I’ll run with it. Sorry, people who care about it.

It’s a volatile time recently for the economy, I think. The President says one word and a stock can lose a tenth of its value the next day. We are all living in a dangerous world as we are controlled by the Invisible Hand that guides the way we conduct business. The way we have to perceive reality and make day to day decisions is based on a construct that is completely beyond our own comprehension. Stocks, bonds, all those weird graphs are dictated by you and me and most people don’t know how the fuck it even operates. To say the least, it is infuriating. To say the most it’s like, really stupid.

I have a solution to these problems, though. As a society, we need a common pillar under which we can unite. Currently, we have Drake and general distaste for Doc Martins. In the 90s we had Saddam and Californication. I propose the most accessible form of entertainment to rectify our gaps in economic knowledge: Day Trading – The Space Opera.

Now I get it, why would I be teaching you how to day trade when it’s illegal (refer to disclaimer). From what I can gather, day trading makes you a fuckton of money from very little effort. Who wouldn’t want to trade some stocks or something and get a return on the same day? What I needed to do after that idea was to market it properly. Now I know that people love it when shit happens in space. Star Wars, Interstellar, and the Jimmy Neutron spinoff Planet Sheen all appeal to the masses, they pull at the heartstrings of the average man. Everyone wants to shoot for the stars and I now provide a way to combine a love for space travel, with a love for money.

I’m at the end of this article now, so I hope you were able to bear with me as I blew your mind with my space opera idea. I was thinking 5 acts, with the third act showstopper being a releasing of the president’s taxes. The economy surely cannot handle my educational experience in a medium many consider to be dying. So the next time you’re sitting around with your systematically curated lack of understanding of the economy, watch my space opera and be enlightened.

PS. Someone should actually let me know what day trading is, it sounds interesting.