“Don’t call it a comeback, I been here for years/Rocking my peers and putting suckas in fears”
In this rocking start to the song, LL Cool J emphasizes the fact that he is God, our Lord and Heavenly Father. He’s been here for so many years that one day he was like “Let there be light. I can’t see my mic.” Therefore, since he is God, he literally can’t come back, or else it would be a paradox. (He wants his listeners to know their history and logic.) Also, LL Cool J was a writer for The Cornell Lunatic, often calling a bunch of magazines “fears” since everyone was scared to see the holy document. So like, if you messed with him, you were gonna be eviscerated in a cartoon in the magazine and have your life ruined. Don’t mess with LL Cool J.
Hook: “I’m gonna knock you out HUUUH!/Mama said knock you out HUUUH!”
LL Cool J was not only a writer for The Cornell Lunatic, but also the father of it. One day, while walking up Libe Slope, he saw this very sexy pair of boxing gloves and was like “Hubba Hubba.” The couple eventually gave birth to The Cornell Lunatic (and also the Kool-Aid Man, hence why his name is similar in rhyme scheme to LL Cool J). Due to this hereditary tree, LL Cool J thought it was appropriate to mention that both he and his baby mama can punch anyone out of their ring, especially since the two created The Cornell Lunatic.
“Don’t you call this a regular jam/I’m gonna rock this land/I’m gonna take this itty bitty world by storm/And I’m just getting warm”
LL Cool J was never a peanut butter guy, but he was always a fan of his fruit preserves. Like Popeye with his cans of spinach, LL can down a straight jar of strawberry jam and be imbued with the holy powers to write other songs like “Rock the Bells” and “I’m Bad.” Since LL Cool J already established that he is God, he physically can rock the land whenever he wants. In fact, earthquakes are caused not because of shifting tectonic plates, but because LL Cool J is practicing his WWE moves (the Cool J Hammerpile is a killer). The world is also so small for him that he does not live in NYC or LA, but instead on Jupiter since it’s the biggest thing that can handle all of LL Cool J. Often, LL Cool J does get fevers too, hence getting warm. He uses The Cornell Lunatic as a makeshift fan often.
Wilbert Ren ’20