The Testaments CLEARLY Predict The Closing Of Cornell in March 2020

REPENT, sinners/business majors, for the END TIMES are upon us! With the cancellation of classes last Friday, ALL SIGNS pointing to the END OF DAYS have been met. One must only peruse the GOOD BOOK to see the SIGNS for themselves.


“Methuselah questioned of God, “why must our spring break be so late compared to other schools?” And God answered, “have faith, for I am protecting you in ways you cannot understand.” Methuselah was angered, but understood His command.” Matthew 2:16


“A demon will ascend from Hell, named Züm. Its mighty claws will slow the pace of even the most trivial of classes until they are like an upturned turtle. It will lay waste to the people, making them rise at times when men should not be risen, and those living in foreign nations will suffer the most from Züm.” Revelations 3:21


“Joshua began to tell a parable. “A professor worked night and day to finalize the schedule for the semester. He thought that his plan for the semester was untouchable even by the Lord himself. And within 2 months, the Lord had punished him for his arrogance by cancelling all classes and fucking his life up.” The crowd questioned of Joshua what a professor or a semester was.” Joshua 3:2


“The poor beggar asked of the wealthy merchant, “can’t you refund at least some of our tuition? We’re not gonna be living on campus or going to class anymore, so it makes sense.” The merchant refused the beggar, turning a blind eye to him.” Leviticus 5:8


“And the Lord said, ‘I am a merciful Lord, and I will grant you sunny days and clear skies as everything goes to absolute shit.“ ” Deuteronomy 4:8


As anyone can PLAINLY SEE, these events were foretold in the GOOD BOOK. To deny the TRUTH is LITERALLY WRONG. Had we followed the DEEDS of MARTHA, such misfortune would not have befallen us. REPENT!

Carlos Po, ’22

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