Cornell Plans to Add a Spring Back to Student Life’s Step

Ithaca, NY – Cornell University has announced a new proposal to transform the suicide nets under several of the campus bridges to also function as a trampoline park. “I was just walking by and the idea just fell out of the sky on me,” said Karl Oppenheimer, a local designer who brought this idea to the attention of the university.

In a press statement, a university representative said, “We gotta raise money somehow. And morale too I guess. Kids like trampolines, right?”

Although it is planned to be used year round, initially it will be open mainly during orientation and graduation weeks, as well as being opened to the general public throughout the summer when the nets are usually at a peak low of use for their initial purpose. The statement from the university ends with, “We would like this to be a family place, and part of introducing students and parents alike to the Cornell culture.”

Student groups would also be able to book the park for events and the IFC has considered using it for rush and fundraising events citing the success of the ΒΘΠ bounce house Guinness World Record attempt in fall 2017. When pressed for comment, Cornell President Martha Pollack noted with smile, “This could be a boon for student mental health; it could help them bounce back after a stressful week. A great way to get it out of their system.” The president also made sure to highlight the revenue the park could bring to the university.

There have been talks that if this initiative proves successful to expand upon the park. “We’re thinking that we could get a waterpark out of this too,” Oppenheimer excitedly claimed, “Just think of the rides: Ezra’s Tunnel, the Beebe Falls, etc.” Due to the nature of reopening or revamping the once-popular with students Ezra’s Tunnel location after Ithaca officials closed it in early 2018, it may become a difficult battle for developers, however they remain optimistic about their plans. Current estimates place construction beginning as soon as the current construction on campus is finished. There is currently no set date for when the park will open, although it is hoped it will be ready by the next fall.

ES ‘20