VAMPIRE

VAMPIRE: Prepare to die, mere mortal, as on this All Hollow’s Eve, I will drink thy blood and live forever.

CAMERON: Lord, help me please- wait, Dylan, is that you?

VAMPIRE: What up, Cam? I heard you got a new job at a different firm here in New York. How’s it going?

CAMERON: Dylan, please tell me this isn’t about Sarah.

VAMPIRE: Wait, what? What did you do with Sarah?

CAMERON: Are you serious? This isn’t about me now seeing Sarah?

VAMPIRE: You are fucking my wife? Oh, now I’m definitely drinking your blood. No, I was not here because of Sarah.

CAMERON: Dammit, you know about Dani then.

VAMPIRE: Satan Almighty, Dani literally just turned 18 like last week.

CAMERON: I know, I know, but that somehow turned me on. I might have a problem.

VAMPIRE: No, really? In the name of Nosferatu, you are mine for dinner.

CAMERON: So I’m guessing you know about your son James too then.

VAMPIRE: The hell? He’s only in middle school, you sicko!

CAMERON: No, no, no. I just bit him, so he’s now turned.

VAMPIRE: Wait… you’re telling me you made him into a werewolf? Now my son is a disgusting half-bred mutt who will smell of carpet and eat super rare steaks!

CAMERON: Come on, don’t be racist now.

VAMPIRE: I was originally just going to take at most half a pint from you and later go to the bar to catch up with you, but now, I learned that you ruined my entire family.

CAMERON: Please, let me talk to my mummy before I die.

Happy Halloween, y’all.

Wilbert Ren ‘20

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