{"id":793,"date":"2017-10-30T11:43:55","date_gmt":"2017-10-30T15:43:55","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/?p=793"},"modified":"2026-06-20T20:57:54","modified_gmt":"2026-06-21T00:57:54","slug":"vampire","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/?p=793","title":{"rendered":"Vampire"},"content":{"rendered":"

Vampire<\/strong>: Prepare to die, mere mortal, as on this All Hollow\u2019s Eve, I will drink thy blood and live forever.<\/span><\/p>\n

Cameron<\/strong>: Lord, help me please\u2014wait, Dylan, is that you?<\/span><\/p>\n

Vampire<\/strong>: What up, Cam? I heard you got a new job at a different firm here in New York. How\u2019s it going?<\/span><\/p>\n

Cameron<\/strong>: Dylan, please tell me this isn\u2019t about Sarah.<\/span><\/p>\n

Vampire<\/strong>: Wait, what? What did you do with Sarah?<\/span><\/p>\n

Cameron<\/strong>: Are you serious? This isn\u2019t about me now seeing Sarah?<\/span><\/p>\n

Vampire<\/strong>: You are fucking my wife? Oh, now I\u2019m definitely drinking your blood. No, I was not here because of Sarah.<\/span><\/p>\n

Cameron<\/strong>: Dammit, you know about Dani then.<\/span><\/p>\n

Vampire<\/strong>: Satan Almighty, Dani literally just turned eighteen like last week.<\/span><\/p>\n

Cameron<\/strong>: I know, I know, but that somehow turned me on. I might have a problem.<\/span><\/p>\n

Vampire<\/strong>: No, really? In the name of Nosferatu, you are mine for dinner.<\/span><\/p>\n

Cameron<\/strong>: So I\u2019m guessing you know about your son James too then.<\/span><\/p>\n

Vampire<\/strong>: The hell? He\u2019s only in middle school, you sicko!<\/span><\/p>\n

Cameron<\/strong>: No, no, no. I just bit him, so he\u2019s now turned.<\/span><\/p>\n

Vampire<\/strong>: Wait\u2026 you\u2019re telling me you made him into a werewolf? Now my son is a disgusting half-bred mutt who will smell of carpet and eat super rare steaks!<\/span><\/p>\n

Cameron<\/strong>: Come on, don\u2019t be racist now.<\/span><\/p>\n

Vampire<\/strong>: I was originally just going to take at most half a pint from you and later go to the bar to catch up with you, but now, I learned that you ruined my entire family.<\/span><\/p>\n

Cameron<\/strong>: Please, let me talk to my mummy before I die.<\/span><\/p>\n

Happy Halloween, y\u2019all.<\/strong><\/em><\/h3>\n

\u2014Wilbert Ren \u201920<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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