{"id":589,"date":"2017-01-16T22:46:45","date_gmt":"2017-01-17T03:46:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/?p=589"},"modified":"2026-06-20T20:59:27","modified_gmt":"2026-06-21T00:59:27","slug":"10-reasons-you-should-read-our-upcoming-issue","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/?p=589","title":{"rendered":"10 Reasons You Should Read Our Upcoming Issue"},"content":{"rendered":"
    \n
  1. This semester, we have a \u201cheaven and hell\u201d theme for the magazine. You can have fun reading some slightly funny pieces while learning about God, Lucifer, and their love child: Ezra Cornell.<\/li>\n
  2. Last semester, we raised over $10,000 dollars from alumni and other generous donors. Imagine if you could raise $10,000 in a semester to pay off your college debt. Instead, that money is going to a magazine that thinks dick jokes are still funny, so you might as well read it while crying about your student loans.<\/span><\/li>\n
  3. Remember in the movie <\/span>The Wolf of Wall Street<\/span><\/i> that scene where Leo was like COKE AND MONEY AND COKE AND MONEY? You would feel the same after reading the Lunatic<\/em>.<\/span><\/li>\n
  4. One night you dreamed you were walking along the beach with the Cornell Lunatic<\/em>. Across the sky flashed scenes from your life. For each scene, you notice your footprints in the sand. <\/span>When the last scene of your life flashed before you, you looked back at the footprints in the sand. You noticed that along the path of your life you were walking alone. This really bothered you and you questioned the Cornell Lunatic<\/em> about it. \u201cHey Cornell Lunatic<\/em>? You said one that I would read you, you would walk along with me through the rest of my life. And yet, when I look back in the sand, there is only one set of footprints. I don\u2019t understand why when I need you most you would leave me?\u201d The Cornell Lunatic<\/em> replied, \u201cBitch, why the hell do you think I would be walking with you? I\u2019m a magazine, you dumbass; I don\u2019t have feet! How dumb do you have to be to fall for some advertising ploy? Also, you could be dreaming of so many other things, like flying or being with your crush or living out that fantasy of you being whipped by a redheaded cowboy, yet you are dreaming about walking with a magazine. What the hell is wrong with you?\u201d<\/li>\n
  5. Don\u2019t you hate reading shitty Buzzfeed-esque articles like this one? Don\u2019t worry, there are no such things like that in the Lunatic<\/em>.<\/li>\n
  6. Do you love reading amazing Buzzfeed-esque articles and quizzes like this one? Don\u2019t worry, there are such things like that in the Lunatic<\/em>.<\/li>\n
  7. January is known as National Read a Magazine month. And if you don\u2019t read the magazine I was a tiny part of, I will be offended. And when I\u2019m offended, I will start crying. And when I start crying, I will get that ugly face that is a cross of a pug and a baby with a unibrow. So please, read the damn magazine.<\/li>\n
  8. It is for free. My mommy once said I was going to be for free, but she was too tired to find a cardboard box to put me in on the street.<\/li>\n
  9. Honestly, we spent a lot of time on this magazine. A lot of us writers and editors spent hours trying to make this the best it can be instead of losing our virginities, so please give it a read! It would mean so much to us.<\/li>\n
  10. We have Matt Damon, Brad Pitt, Elijah Wood, Common, and Robin Williams in this magazine. That\u2019s right, we\u2019re the Happy Feet 2<\/i> of college magazines.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

     <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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Unethical? Unquestionably! And boy, you better believe we\u2019re inappropriate. We are the Lunatic, and we\u2019re not ashamed to be lunatics. We are lunatics, because we don\u2019t shy away from topics that make everyone else cower in fear. We\u2019re not afraid to write about our desperate desires to\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Content"","block_context":{"text":"Content","link":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/?cat=22"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/02\/thanks-matthew-press.png?fit=778%2C479&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/02\/thanks-matthew-press.png?fit=778%2C479&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/02\/thanks-matthew-press.png?fit=778%2C479&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/02\/thanks-matthew-press.png?fit=778%2C479&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":259,"url":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/?p=259","url_meta":{"origin":589,"position":1},"title":"Yakarma Scores Spike in Anticipation of Yik Yak Writing Seminar","author":"The Cornell Lunatic","date":"February 18, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Ithaca, NY\u2014University officials have recently added a new First-Year Writing Seminar (FWS) based entirely on the usage habits of Yik Yak. Students will be encouraged to \u201cride the Yak\u201d as part of each of their assignments. Essays will be graded for content, grammar, and Yakarma scores. As is customary with\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Content"","block_context":{"text":"Content","link":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/?cat=22"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/th.jpg?fit=300%2C300&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":742,"url":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/?p=742","url_meta":{"origin":589,"position":2},"title":"LL Cool J’s \u201cMama Said Knock You Out\u201d: An Analysis of Some Lyrics of this Famous \u201990s Song","author":"The Cornell Lunatic","date":"October 10, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"\"Don\u2019t call it a comeback, I been here for years \/ Rocking my peers and putting suckas in fears\u201d In this rocking start to the song, LL Cool J emphasizes the fact that he is God, our Lord and Heavenly Father. He\u2019s been here for so many years that one\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Content"","block_context":{"text":"Content","link":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/?cat=22"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/10\/ll-cool-j-lunatic.png?fit=1024%2C682&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/10\/ll-cool-j-lunatic.png?fit=1024%2C682&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/10\/ll-cool-j-lunatic.png?fit=1024%2C682&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/10\/ll-cool-j-lunatic.png?fit=1024%2C682&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":1071,"url":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/?p=1071","url_meta":{"origin":589,"position":3},"title":"Halloween Decorations: The Latest Attempt to Solve the Campus Mental Health Crisis","author":"The Cornell Lunatic","date":"October 31, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"If you\u2019ve walked into Gannett recently, you may have noticed something new, other than the usual hordes of crying students. Halloween decorations are everywhere, from orange and black ribbons to skulls and pumpkins. They are festive and seasonal, but also serve a brilliant dual purpose: to scare people away from\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Content"","block_context":{"text":"Content","link":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/?cat=22"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/arrangement-blackboard-candle-1449058.jpg?fit=1200%2C811&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/arrangement-blackboard-candle-1449058.jpg?fit=1200%2C811&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/arrangement-blackboard-candle-1449058.jpg?fit=1200%2C811&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/arrangement-blackboard-candle-1449058.jpg?fit=1200%2C811&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/arrangement-blackboard-candle-1449058.jpg?fit=1200%2C811&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":228,"url":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/?p=228","url_meta":{"origin":589,"position":4},"title":"Recent Shift in Time-Space Continuum Enables Long-Distance Nagging","author":"The Cornell Lunatic","date":"February 17, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Ithaca, NY\u2014On October 5th, a student (name withheld) reported \u201crepeated instances of nagging and guilt-tripping\u201d to CUPD. Days later, the student was checked into Gannett Health Services for \u201challucinations and mental instability.\u201d Since then, numerous cases of what is now being referred to as \u201cImagined Procrastination Disorder\u201d have been reported\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Content"","block_context":{"text":"Content","link":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/?cat=22"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/Nagging.png?fit=1200%2C679&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/Nagging.png?fit=1200%2C679&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/Nagging.png?fit=1200%2C679&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/Nagging.png?fit=1200%2C679&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/Nagging.png?fit=1200%2C679&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":523,"url":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/?p=523","url_meta":{"origin":589,"position":5},"title":"Hangman","author":"The Cornell Lunatic","date":"November 12, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Use the arrow keys to play the Cornell Lunatic\u2019s version of Hangman! Click here. \u00a0","rel":"","context":"In "Content"","block_context":{"text":"Content","link":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/?cat=22"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/11\/Hangman-Screenshot.png?fit=714%2C644&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/11\/Hangman-Screenshot.png?fit=714%2C644&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/11\/Hangman-Screenshot.png?fit=714%2C644&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/11\/Hangman-Screenshot.png?fit=714%2C644&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/06\/HeavenHell.png?fit=811%2C510&ssl=1","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/589","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=589"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/589\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2261,"href":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/589\/revisions\/2261"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/2277"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=589"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=589"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=589"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}