{"id":587,"date":"2017-01-14T18:07:08","date_gmt":"2017-01-14T23:07:08","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/?p=587"},"modified":"2026-06-20T20:59:34","modified_gmt":"2026-06-21T00:59:34","slug":"student-spotlight-satan","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/?p=587","title":{"rendered":"Student Spotlight: Satan"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span class=\"embed-youtube\" style=\"text-align:center; display: block;\"><iframe loading=\"lazy\" class=\"youtube-player\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/UyopXklt9C0?version=3&#038;rel=1&#038;showsearch=0&#038;showinfo=1&#038;iv_load_policy=1&#038;fs=1&#038;hl=en-US&#038;autohide=2&#038;wmode=transparent\" allowfullscreen=\"true\" style=\"border:0;\" sandbox=\"allow-scripts allow-same-origin allow-popups allow-presentation allow-popups-to-escape-sandbox\"><\/iframe><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<div class=\"mh-excerpt\"><\/div>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"video","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[22],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-587","post","type-post","status-publish","format-video","hentry","category-content","post_format-video"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p9Nlau-9t","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":793,"url":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/?p=793","url_meta":{"origin":587,"position":0},"title":"Vampire","author":"The Cornell Lunatic","date":"October 30, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Vampire: Prepare to die, mere mortal, as on this All Hollow\u2019s Eve, I will drink thy blood and live forever. Cameron: Lord, help me please\u2014wait, Dylan, is that you? Vampire: What up, Cam? I heard you got a new job at a different firm here in New York. How\u2019s it\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Content&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Content","link":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/?cat=22"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/10\/Vampire.jpg?fit=681%2C507&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/10\/Vampire.jpg?fit=681%2C507&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/10\/Vampire.jpg?fit=681%2C507&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":257,"url":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/?p=257","url_meta":{"origin":587,"position":1},"title":"Top 10 Things Every College Student Should Know","author":"The Cornell Lunatic","date":"June 12, 2026","format":false,"excerpt":"The quickest way to get to the airport is by plane. Cell phones were actually invented in 1931 and old people are just really good at keeping secrets. Staring at the sun between classes is a good way to remove the stress from your eyeballs. Floss is for suckers. Grades\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Content&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Content","link":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/?cat=22"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/The-Things-Photo.png?fit=1200%2C900&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/The-Things-Photo.png?fit=1200%2C900&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/The-Things-Photo.png?fit=1200%2C900&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/The-Things-Photo.png?fit=1200%2C900&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/The-Things-Photo.png?fit=1200%2C900&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":246,"url":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/?p=246","url_meta":{"origin":587,"position":2},"title":"Electrical Engineers Discover New Type of Battery","author":"The Cornell Lunatic","date":"February 18, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Ithaca, NY\u2014Cornell electrical engineering students, typically the most docile students on campus, have begun experiments with a new type of battery: physical battery. Eighty engineering students have been charged with battery and aggravated assault due to a violent brawl they incited in the Engineering Quad on Saturday afternoon. Campus police\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Content&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Content","link":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/?cat=22"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/Battery-Photo.png?fit=1200%2C900&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/Battery-Photo.png?fit=1200%2C900&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/Battery-Photo.png?fit=1200%2C900&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/Battery-Photo.png?fit=1200%2C900&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/Battery-Photo.png?fit=1200%2C900&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":228,"url":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/?p=228","url_meta":{"origin":587,"position":3},"title":"Recent Shift in Time-Space Continuum Enables Long-Distance Nagging","author":"The Cornell Lunatic","date":"February 17, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Ithaca, NY\u2014On October 5th, a student (name withheld) reported \u201crepeated instances of nagging and guilt-tripping\u201d to CUPD. Days later, the student was checked into Gannett Health Services for \u201challucinations and mental instability.\u201d Since then, numerous cases of what is now being referred to as \u201cImagined Procrastination Disorder\u201d have been reported\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Content&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Content","link":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/?cat=22"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/Nagging.png?fit=1200%2C679&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/Nagging.png?fit=1200%2C679&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/Nagging.png?fit=1200%2C679&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/Nagging.png?fit=1200%2C679&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/Nagging.png?fit=1200%2C679&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":920,"url":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/?p=920","url_meta":{"origin":587,"position":4},"title":"Student Mistakes Actual Fishbowl for \u201cFish Bowls\u201d Fishbowl","author":"The Cornell Lunatic","date":"March 15, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"Court-Kay-Bauer, Ithaca, NY\u2014Freshman Bobby McBobberson \u201921 (it\u2019s always the freshmen, innit) has been found guilty of drink-eating his two goldfish, Dr. Pepper and Barnacle, a lovely couple who had only just gotten married after days of courtship which tbh they forgot every five seconds. \u201cI officiated their ceremony. I got\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Content&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Content","link":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/?cat=22"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/Fish-Bowl.png?fit=1200%2C800&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/Fish-Bowl.png?fit=1200%2C800&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/Fish-Bowl.png?fit=1200%2C800&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/Fish-Bowl.png?fit=1200%2C800&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/Fish-Bowl.png?fit=1200%2C800&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":263,"url":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/?p=263","url_meta":{"origin":587,"position":5},"title":"Hotelie Caught Doing Homework, 7 Hospitalized","author":"The Cornell Lunatic","date":"February 18, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Ithaca, NY\u2014A Hotel Management major was spotted doing homework in the Arts Quad on September 7, 2015. \u00a0 The first witness, who wishes to remain anonymous, recounts how his attempt to be friendly landed him in the hospital. As an engineering student, he had never met a Hotelie before. \u00a0\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Content&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Content","link":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/?cat=22"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/Fainting-on-Arts-Quad.png?fit=1200%2C900&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/Fainting-on-Arts-Quad.png?fit=1200%2C900&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/Fainting-on-Arts-Quad.png?fit=1200%2C900&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/Fainting-on-Arts-Quad.png?fit=1200%2C900&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/Fainting-on-Arts-Quad.png?fit=1200%2C900&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/587","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=587"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/587\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":588,"href":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/587\/revisions\/588"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=587"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=587"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=587"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}