{"id":246,"date":"2016-02-18T02:38:58","date_gmt":"2016-02-18T02:38:58","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/s1081577.instanturl.net\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp\/?p=246"},"modified":"2026-06-20T21:01:22","modified_gmt":"2026-06-21T01:01:22","slug":"electrical-engineers-discover-new-type-of-battery","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/?p=246","title":{"rendered":"Electrical Engineers Discover New Type of Battery"},"content":{"rendered":"

Ithaca, NY<\/strong>\u2014Cornell electrical engineering students, typically the most docile students on campus, have begun experiments with a new type of battery: physical battery.<\/p>\n

Eighty engineering students have been charged with battery and aggravated assault due to a violent brawl they incited in the Engineering Quad on Saturday afternoon. Campus police further uncovered that the engineering students were all involved in an underground bareknuckle boxing ring which occurred regularly on Tuesday and Thursday nights in Phillips Hall.<\/p>\n

When asked about this, one engineering student responded, \u201cRule one is you\u00a0don\u2019t talk about fight club.\u201d<\/p>\n

The students are also suspected of being involved in the recent spurts of physical violence and attempts to overthrow order in the free world on campus.<\/p>\n

Reportedly, the incident that occurred on Saturday resulted when one Arts and Sciences student wandered to the Engineering Quad and boasted about all of the free time he has. The engineering students reacted negatively to his lack of purpose in life and proceeded to pummel him. Unsatisfied with his lack of resistance, the engineers then began to attack each other\u2014until police arrived twenty minutes later.<\/p>\n

It is speculated that the violence among the electrical engineers could be an attempt to release stress.<\/p>\n

When asked about possible motives for this outburst of violence, renowned psychologist Randall Mansfield stated, \u201cRule one is you don\u2019t talk about fight club.\u201d<\/p>\n

It is clear that there can be no one reason for this outburst, and school officials hope that this year\u2019s Dragon Day will be violence free and that no AAP students will be thrown down Libe Slope.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2341,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[22],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-246","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-content"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p9Nlau-3Y","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":228,"url":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/?p=228","url_meta":{"origin":246,"position":0},"title":"Recent Shift in Time-Space Continuum Enables Long-Distance Nagging","author":"The Cornell Lunatic","date":"February 17, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Ithaca, NY\u2014On October 5th, a student (name withheld) reported \u201crepeated instances of nagging and guilt-tripping\u201d to CUPD. Days later, the student was checked into Gannett Health Services for \u201challucinations and mental instability.\u201d Since then, numerous cases of what is now being referred to as \u201cImagined Procrastination Disorder\u201d have been reported\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Content"","block_context":{"text":"Content","link":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/?cat=22"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/Nagging.png?fit=1200%2C679&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/Nagging.png?fit=1200%2C679&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/Nagging.png?fit=1200%2C679&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/Nagging.png?fit=1200%2C679&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/Nagging.png?fit=1200%2C679&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":194,"url":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/?p=194","url_meta":{"origin":246,"position":1},"title":"Search for a Universal Ratio","author":"The Cornell Lunatic","date":"February 15, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Scientists around campus are scrambling to try to solve a problem that has haunted Cornell for years. The mathematical concept known as \u201cThe Ratio,\u201d the key for freshman guys getting into frat parties, remains undefined. Researchers swear they are inching closer every day and believe new technology will allow them\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Content"","block_context":{"text":"Content","link":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/?cat=22"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/fibonaccispiral.jpg?fit=535%2C338&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/fibonaccispiral.jpg?fit=535%2C338&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/fibonaccispiral.jpg?fit=535%2C338&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":1062,"url":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/?p=1062","url_meta":{"origin":246,"position":2},"title":"Cornell Plans to Put the Spring Back into Students\u2019 Steps","author":"The Cornell Lunatic","date":"October 22, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"Ithaca, NY\u2014Cornell University has announced a new proposal to transform the suicide nets under several of the campus bridges to also function as a trampoline park. \u201cI was just walking by and the idea just fell out of the sky on me,\u201d said Karl Oppenheimer, a local designer who brought\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Content"","block_context":{"text":"Content","link":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/?cat=22"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/Cornell-Bridge.jpg?fit=1024%2C683&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/Cornell-Bridge.jpg?fit=1024%2C683&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/Cornell-Bridge.jpg?fit=1024%2C683&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/Cornell-Bridge.jpg?fit=1024%2C683&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":551,"url":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/?p=551","url_meta":{"origin":246,"position":3},"title":"Name of Incoming Cornell President One Letter Away from Revolting Ethnic Slur","author":"The Cornell Lunatic","date":"November 19, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Unfortunately, the reign of much beloved interim president Hunter R. Rawlings III is officially in Lame Duck season, as President-Elect Martha Pollack gets ready to be sworn into office. Her upset victory in the backdoor Board of Trustees meeting was a surprise to rivals Tony Daygo and Jack Pady. In\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Content"","block_context":{"text":"Content","link":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/?cat=22"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/11\/Martha_Pollack_Cornell_University.jpg?fit=460%2C307&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":1071,"url":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/?p=1071","url_meta":{"origin":246,"position":4},"title":"Halloween Decorations: The Latest Attempt to Solve the Campus Mental Health Crisis","author":"The Cornell Lunatic","date":"October 31, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"If you\u2019ve walked into Gannett recently, you may have noticed something new, other than the usual hordes of crying students. Halloween decorations are everywhere, from orange and black ribbons to skulls and pumpkins. They are festive and seasonal, but also serve a brilliant dual purpose: to scare people away from\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Content"","block_context":{"text":"Content","link":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/?cat=22"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/arrangement-blackboard-candle-1449058.jpg?fit=1200%2C811&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/arrangement-blackboard-candle-1449058.jpg?fit=1200%2C811&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/arrangement-blackboard-candle-1449058.jpg?fit=1200%2C811&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/arrangement-blackboard-candle-1449058.jpg?fit=1200%2C811&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/arrangement-blackboard-candle-1449058.jpg?fit=1200%2C811&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":263,"url":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/?p=263","url_meta":{"origin":246,"position":5},"title":"Hotelie Caught Doing Homework, 7 Hospitalized","author":"The Cornell Lunatic","date":"February 18, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Ithaca, NY\u2014A Hotel Management major was spotted doing homework in the Arts Quad on September 7, 2015. \u00a0 The first witness, who wishes to remain anonymous, recounts how his attempt to be friendly landed him in the hospital. As an engineering student, he had never met a Hotelie before. \u00a0\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Content"","block_context":{"text":"Content","link":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/?cat=22"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/Fainting-on-Arts-Quad.png?fit=1200%2C900&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/Fainting-on-Arts-Quad.png?fit=1200%2C900&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/Fainting-on-Arts-Quad.png?fit=1200%2C900&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/Fainting-on-Arts-Quad.png?fit=1200%2C900&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/Fainting-on-Arts-Quad.png?fit=1200%2C900&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cornelllunatic.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/Battery-Photo.png?fit=1448%2C1086&ssl=1","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/246","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=246"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/246\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2340,"href":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/246\/revisions\/2340"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/2341"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=246"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=246"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=246"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}