Is there anything we look forward to more on Thanksgiving than the table banter during dinner? The entire holiday is just a milquetoast preamble to five months of gray skies and perpetual wind, so it is nice to listen to windbag relatives brighten the room with their annual verbal jousting.<\/p>\n
Cousin Ryan<\/strong>: Terrible what\u2019s going on with those wildfires out west, huh?<\/p>\n Grandpa<\/strong>: I\u2019m sick of hearing about that!\u00a0 It\u2019s all that\u2019s on the news!\u00a0 You know back in my day we didn\u2019t even have any of this California nonsense.\u00a0 Kentucky was as far west as it went!<\/p>\n Uncle Bill<\/strong>: Dad, these people\u2019s lives were ruined. Show some compassion.<\/p>\n Grandpa<\/strong>: Well of course you\u2019d<\/em> say that; you\u2019re gay!<\/p>\n Uncle Bill<\/strong>: Let\u2019s switch the subject, hmm?<\/p>\n Cousin Ryan<\/strong>: Sure, fun fact, there is no direct translation for the word \u201cChristmas\u201d in Spanish.\u00a0 That\u2019s why during the holidays, Mexican children ask their parents what the true meaning of Taco Tuesday is.<\/p>\n Cousin Deb<\/strong>: That can\u2019t possibly be true.<\/p>\n Uncle Jack<\/strong>: I have to go to the bathroom.<\/p>\n Cousin Deb<\/strong>: All right everybody, skootch, let him up.<\/p>\n Uncle Jack<\/strong>: Actually, I changed my mind.<\/p>\n Uncle Bill<\/strong>: How?<\/p>\n Little Timmy<\/strong>: Don\u2019t hate, Uncle Bill.\u00a0 If my man Jack changed his mind, then he changed his mind.<\/p>\n Great Aunt Jo<\/strong>: Deb, why is your son talking like a colored?<\/p>\n [Man comes crashing into dining room through a sudden inter-dimensional wormhole.]<\/em><\/p>\n Man<\/strong> [in a helium-high voice]<\/em>:\u00a0There\u2019s no time to explain!\u00a0 Get in the DeLorean!<\/p>\n Grandpa<\/strong>: Good God, it was real! [tears off sweater, revealing an <\/em>I❤️NY t-shirt underneath]<\/em> If I don\u2019t come back, never open the door for a wolf walking on two legs.<\/p>\n [Man and Grandpa disappear into the wormhole.]<\/em><\/p>\n \u2014Matt D\u2019Ambrosio<\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"