{"id":1024,"date":"2018-04-14T11:00:39","date_gmt":"2018-04-14T15:00:39","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/?p=1024"},"modified":"2026-06-20T20:56:29","modified_gmt":"2026-06-21T00:56:29","slug":"state-school-ex-definitely-wants-back","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/cornelllunatic.com\/?p=1024","title":{"rendered":"Why Your State-School Ex Definitely Wants You Back"},"content":{"rendered":"

April 14th. National Ex Day. A day to reminisce about the good ole days of your first crush, first relationship, first kiss. On this day, you may reflect on your first love, the one that you thought for sure was \u201cthe one.\u201d Maybe you can look back on where you went wrong, what you could\u2019ve done better, or how you could\u2019ve saved the magical feelings that you once had for your ex before it ended. <\/span><\/p>\n

Whether this love first blossomed at kindergarten graduation, that one middle school dance, or your high school prom, it does not matter. Because now, we are Ivy Leaguers and our stupid exes have nothing going for them. In all honesty, they should be crawling back to us and begging for us to date them again. <\/span><\/p>\n

And although you don\u2019t care about them at all (like, not at all) here are some reasons why they most definitely still are madly in love with you:<\/span><\/p>\n

    \n
  1. You go to an Ivy League school. Biggest turn-on? Artificially inflated ego for attending a school branded by nothing more than a sports conference.<\/span><\/li>\n
  2. Your ex does not go to an Ivy League school. Surely your ex goes to some state school and they could never even dream of all of the hot (and smart) Ivy Leaguers with whom you\u2019ve been struggling to create intimate relationships. They probably couldn\u2019t even fathom it because their brains are so small.<\/span><\/li>\n
  3. We put the \u201cfun\u201d in \u201ctrust fund.\u201d The only thing bigger than our bank accounts are our schools\u2019 endowments.<\/span><\/li>\n
  4. Brains > personality, looks, and emotional availability. It\u2019s no secret that Ivy Leaguers are vastly superior mentally. What more can someone want or even need? We all know that your ex will eventually grow tired of the athletic and attractive state schoolers and then what? That\u2019s right, they\u2019ll be all yours again.<\/span><\/li>\n
  5. Three words: post-graduate employment. Does Goldman Sachs recruit at state schools? I don\u2019t know, and I don\u2019t care because we Ivy Leaguers all go work there anyway.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    In conclusion, your ex ain\u2019t shit.<\/span><\/p>\n

    Dedicated to my ex-girlfriend, who is still madly in love with me.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

    \u2014J.P. \u201921<\/p>\n

     <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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